How to Get What You’re Looking For on a Dating Site?

Welcome to the swipe-ocalypse. You’ve scrolled through countless profiles, endured the “hey” messages, and probably been on a few dates that made you seriously consider adopting another cat. It’s easy to feel like you’re just wasting your time. But what if the problem isn’t the apps, but the strategy? Forget wishful thinking. You need a plan to filter through the static and find your specific kind of awesome.

Stop Saying “I Dunno, What About You?”

You cannot get what you desire unless you know what it is. Before you even think about how to hook up online or find a life partner, get brutally honest with yourself. This means sitting down and actually defining your non-negotiables versus your “nice-to-haves.” A non-negotiable is “must be kind to waiters.” A nice-to-have is “looks like a superhero.” Be specific. Are you looking for a long-term partner to build with, a short-term fling, or just someone to try new restaurants with? All are valid, but you’ll never find one if you’re pretending to look for the other. Clarity is your new best friend.

Your Profile: Be the Signal, Not the Noise

Think of your profile as your personal billboard. Its job is to act as a magnet for the right people and a polite repellent for the wrong ones. Start with your photos. They need to look like you, right now, not on a vacation in 2019. Include a clear headshot, a full-body shot, and one of you doing something you enjoy (that isn’t just holding a drink).

Then, your bio. If your bio just says “travel, food, and The Office,” you have failed. It shows zero personality. Write something that sparks a conversation. What’s your weirdest quirk? What’s an unpopular opinion you hold? Give people something to latch onto. Even spotting how someone shows interest can be easier when your profile is unambiguous about what you offer.

Master the Art of the Smart Swipe

Put an end to “doom-swiping” while you’re half-watching television. You’re just training your brain to see people as disposable. Set aside specific time for swiping and be intentional. Actually read the bios. Look for green flags (they wrote full sentences, they’re clear about what they want) and beige ones (their entire personality is “on the go”). Use the app’s filters. They exist for a reason. Filter by age, distance, and whatever else matters to you. Part of following good dating app practices is being selective and not swiping right on every semi-decent photo. This requires you to be an active, intentional searcher, not just passively swiping, hoping magic strikes.

Ditch the “Hey” and Actually Talk

Congrats, you got a match. Now what? Please, for the love of all things, kill the “hey” opener. It’s lazy, boring, and it shows you put in zero effort. The person who messages first sets the tone. Look at their profile and ask a question about anything in it. “I see you traveled to Peru. What was the most unforgettable thing you ate there?” “Your dog is adorable, what’s its name?” It’s that simple. Start a real conversation. Flirt a little, but don’t be a creep. The primary objective? Get off the app. Move the chat to an actual date—even a simple coffee—before you get stuck in “pen pal” purgatory for six weeks and the entire thing fizzles out.

Conclusion

Online dating isn’t a vending machine for humans. It’s a tool, and now you know how to use it properly. You don’t need magic or luck; you need intention. Being deliberate with your profile, swiping, and your chatting is what separates a frustrating, soul-crushing experience from a successful one. You’ve got this. Now go filter out the noise and find your person (or people).